changes

I feel as though I have been chasing change for so long, but never truly doing anything to make it happen. I feel like I am on auto-pilot and I am waiting for something significant to happen, something to push this change.This confuses me and causes me to be disappointed in myself because I am smart enough to know that I have to change things on my own, and that they will not just happen on their own. It leaves me to feel powerless. Every once and while I will get these bursts of energy and motivation, but like anything else, it lasts for a short period of time. Other times I will experience completey clarity, like tonight. For the past year I have been trying to accomplish several things within myself. There are some things that I would like to change.   I know that I have to take one step at a time but I feel like I have been in the same position for too long. Leaving me no choice other than to acknowledge these things and decide how I am going to make these changes happen. The truth is, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do.  I'm so fucking confused

For example, there will be a period of two weeks where I will be totally into the internet world, and I talk to tons of people. When I look at other blogs and things like that, I feel so much more inspired afterwards. When I see the way other people think, and the way they are living and what they are feeling it causes me to reflect on my own life and self. Then out of nowhere, the next two weeks, I completely avoid my internet life and socializing with friends and; all I do is watch movies or shows in my bed. I feel like I completely avoid the outside world. It's usually when I am sad or angry. I'm not sure why I do this. Once again, The truth is, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I'm so fucking confused.



I have had a major creative block as well. Fortunately, It's gone and I have several  posts in the works. There has been a lot of personal things in my life going on that I needed to attend to hence my lack of posts. I have several posts in the works. If you haven't noticed, I am completely scatterbrained; I hope you can keep up with me. Right now, I am typing this as I  lay on my bed with fresh bedding while listening to "Istands" by the Xx; with french vanilla and orchid bloom scented candles burning. Feeling calm and content. Now I'm off to work on my next post. Check back soon!
Love you all!