This all starts with the a cold rainy night while driving around with my boyfriend. I was in the passengers seat looking out the window while "Demons" by Imagine Dragons played on the radio. As the street lights and raindrops filled my vision; I had an epiphany. "Holy shit, I am fucking 24 years old, what am I doing with my life?" I could feel myself growing older. It hit me, I am running out of time. I need to get my life in order, I need to figure out who the fuck I am. I need to find my purpose. I need to make the most out of everything while I have the time. I decided to write down all of the things I wanted to change and improve. So keep in mind, this was already something I was thinking a lot about. Then a few nights ago I came across an old journal of mine. The first page (which was dated March 7th or last year) I wrote it had said:
"Sometimes I have to tell myself
STOP BEING SO BROKEN.
STOP BEING SO BROKEN.
STOP BEING SO BROKEN.
I have come a long way, I refuse to let these setbacks bring me down.
Things will get better. They need to get better. This will be my year"
Things will get better. They need to get better. This will be my year"
My initial reaction made me sad and I started to cry. I realized that I wrote nearly the exact same thing On January 1st of this year. I didn't change anything. I was broken for so long. It then led me to do some serious self-reflection. Over the course of the new few days I had become inspired, motivated but terrified and confused all at the same time. As a person, when I feel a particular emotion it some times consumes me and overwhelms me. I eventually snapped. I started crying uncontrollably and seen everything clearly. Afterwards I felt like I could finally exhale. I had my release. I believe what I was experiencing was growing pains. I was letting go of who I was and making room for who I am going to be and who I am capable of being. The change I am am talking about isn't a new years resolution type change, this is a complete reinvention of my being. People are doubting me and I can see why but I can no longer let their negativity affect me and must use it as motivation. In conclusion, I am ready for this and I am remaining positive. Bring it on world!
With that being said, I am somewhat changing my blogging style and the subjects I write about. I have several projects in the works but I am so scatterbrained it's difficult to work on just one. I have so much more to offer you guys and the internet world, and I need to start showing it.
I would love for you to join me on this journey of self-discovery and healing.
“And that is how change happens. One gesture.
One person. One moment at a time.”
One person. One moment at a time.”
Made these last night
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to
test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment,
there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or
in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait.
Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us
to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment,
there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or
in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait.
Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us
to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
Sneak Peak of upcoming posts will be up tomorrow
God, I always have epiphanies while Imagine Dragons is playing. I went to their concert a few months back and bawled the whole time. I felt so free when they played and I still feel that when I hear them. Epiphanies take it all out of you in the best of ways. They exhaust and overwhelm and motivate.
ReplyDeleteI adore your collages, love. Cannot wait to see what else you have to show us all.
Em
Tightrope to the Sun
Ah this is so inspiring to read that you're so determined. I'm more a couple of stages before the epiphany in which I'm worried that the decisions I make now (university / future / general life path) will decide my future. But yes Kylie's style is my main goal right now hah!
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